Obedience and Self Worth

I read an article the other day, or maybe it was a blog post. Im not sure, as I just clicked on and read in passing while strolling the net. It was about how women should have more respect for themselves, and raise their standards as to what is acceptable treatment for themselves, when it comes to the respect they get, or lack of, from the opposite sex… what they allow. Let me make it crystal clear that I do not disagree with this message at all.

I think they hit the nail on the head with this one. Women most definitely have lowered their standards in almost every way when it comes to relationships with men. They accept less. They’ve become less themselves in their frustration, and/or convinced themselves they don’t need a man. Many are following the example of “men”, or at the very least, they’ve convinced themselves to accept less than what they deserve from a man.

We as women do need men, just as men need women because that is how God designed us. Many women today act more like “men” than ladies. Ive been guilty myself, because at times I’ve felt like I had to. Why is it acceptable and considered the norm for men to behave in a less than moral or honest way when it comes to the opposite sex, or just in general, but not okay for women?

Women should raise their standards without a doubt……but, with that being said, men have the responsibility to set the tone, to be the leaders, to be the example worth following, and I don’t just mean fathers, though certainly, that is just as important. I’m talking about in relationships, and in friendships, or just in communication with, and treatment of a woman, any woman. It is just as wrong, or more so, for men to be behaving, talking to, and treating women, as well as themselves, the way that many do.

In spite of popular opinion (I use this phrase a lot), It isn’t any more okay for a man to disrespect God, himself as a person, his body, disrespect women, sleep around, be dishonest, immoral or play games with another person’s life than it is for women to behave this way, disrespect men and their relationships with them, or to play games herself, because she’s convinced nothing she does will matter anyway. After all, boys will be boys, right? Therein lies the problem. BOYS. Not MEN.

In fact, I whole heartedly believe that women have had to deal with such dishonesty, disrespect, and disrespectful men in the last many years, that they simply learned to follow the mans lead down this road of behavior. This isnt encouragement to bash men or “man hate”. I do not hate men at all and both sexes have a responsibility, but I do know what Ive observed through the years with my generation compared to my fathers or grand fathers generations and, of course, there are exceptions to every rule.

Women have learned to expect little, put up with a lot, somewhat take on the role of a man and defend themselves because most men today won’t, whether that be in a relationship, a marriage or just a friendship. Unfortunately, many times, the same women I read or hear complaining the most about not being able to find a “decent man”, will be the same women who are not teaching their own sons how to treat women, or what being a man truly means in the biblical sense instead of the worldly sense. (Just to be clear, Im not talking about women who act like its a crime when a man opens a door for her or pays for her dinner. That could become a book, though in my opinion, it is certainly an example of secularity and the breakdown in the relationship between men and women.)

They’re guilty of not teaching them accountability and they’re not having discussions of what should be expected of them as a man, or a man in the making. In many cases they’re not even teaching them to respect their peers or their elders, much less women. Most people, women included, seem more worried about making sure their children “fit in” with everyone else and making excuses for their behavior, and/or lack of respect, instead of worrying about bringing them up to stand apart from the crowd. You don’t have to do what everybody else is doing.

Until parents get back to this, “decent men” and “decent women” will continue, far more sparingly than now, to be the exception and not the rule…..and why wouldnt they be? Regardless, my point is that men are just as accountable and responsible, if not more so, than women when it comes to women lowering their standards because men most certainly have lowered theirs. In recent years Ive actually witnessed men complaining about not being able to find a “quality woman” anymore, or categorizing all women as “evil” or “no good”, more than I’ve witnessed women complaining about men (and it used to be the other way around).

Yet, these very same men have and associate with friends (more than less) who, lie, manipulate, cheat on, play games, and treat women disrespectfully and/or very badly, yet expect to be treated respectfully and lovingly themselves. These men never call out their friends for their wrong behavior and, in fact, will take relationship advice from these same “friends” because somewhere in their minds its either okay for men, its none of their business, or they behave this way themselves. Yet, they will constantly bash or look down on women for the same behavior or disloyalty that they, themselves, give. Shouldn’t men be held to just as high a standard as women? Or a higher standard since they are supposed to be the leaders?

I’ve witnessed men, who have been unfaithful to their spouse time and again, actually bash or leave their spouse, or warn other men about their own relationships, because the wife decided to give them a dose of their own medicine. Its as though these men just couldnt believe or comprehend that their wives eventually turned to someone else after they abandoned, neglected or cast their wife’s needs and worth  aside. Hypocritical much? Im certainly not condoning being unfaithful for either party, but surely we can stop the hypocracy.

If this double standard and this behavior is your norm, or what you allow around you, you’re inviting it into your life. If you want a great marriage, you have to be a great spouse. If you dont pay for your sins right away, someday you will. It will and does effect your relationship and your life in many ways. You’re not getting away with anything. You’re only hindering what you want and need the most, and what God intended for you. In order to get respect, loyalty and faithfulness, shouldn’t you have and give those qualities, and expect the company you keep, as in friends, to display these qualities also?

If you have standards, shouldnt they be the same for both sexes, as well as yourself? Put away the telescopic lens and grab a mirror instead, because you are a part of the problem if you dont hold your guy “friends” and certainly yourself, to the same standard of behavior and character as you hold women in general, or a woman you are in a relationship with. Any woman that is with a man will pay attention and will notice these inconsistencies. Every action you take or don’t take, every word you speak, and every joke you laugh at or don’t laugh at, speaks volumes about who you are as a person. If you want a quality woman, be a quality man. It doesn’t get any more simple than that. Yes, as women, lets understand what we deserve according to God’s word, value our worth,  and raise our standards.

Be who God intended you to be, in spite of how you are treated, but as parents, lets also start teaching children, both sexes, what that means according to God’s word for themselves, and for each other. As men, raise yourself and other men to a higher standard. You also deserve the best of what God intended for you and your life, and we’re all, men and women, forfeiting that by behaving the way we do and being disobedient to God. Again, this isnt to attack men. It is just to point out that at the very least, both sexes share the responsibilty in attitudes,  behaviors and the lack of standards of today.