Gifts of God

Have you ever been so down in the dirt you just wallow there? Not really because you want to, but maybe because you’re so tired. Tired of being in pain, tired of trying, tired of worrying and fearing. Tired of being the bigger person to people who just seem to live solely to hurt others however they can. Tired of the circus and all the clowns. So tired emotionally, and mentally, and spiritually, that you are constantly, literally, physically tired, and all you ever think is, ‘Lord my God, when are you coming?’

I have been here many times. Most of the time, really. Life is not easy. Mainly because we, as sinful, selfish, cold, sometimes evil, human beings make it that way, and every sin we commit has a domino effect for so many others that we can’t even begin to perceive how far that ripple goes and why. I get bogged down in this more often than I care to admit, but every once in a while, I have a moment of understanding, …or awakening.

Tonight it was simply seeing a certain scripture painted up pretty for a meme I happen to stumble upon. In that moment, like too few moments before, I felt grateful in a way that came from the deepest, sincerest, parts of my God created, life given, soul. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with nostalgic romanticism of just how beautiful, rare and life giving, just like God, some of his gifts have been. I’m not talking about money, or things I wanted or dreams being realized.

I’m talking about the moments that you feel an ache in your heart because something inside of you realizes, or somehow knows, that this, these rare, gifted moments, are the closest thing to ‘real’ that we will ever experience in this world. …Like riding down a dirt road through farm country at sunset with the windows rolled down and taking in as much air as possible because the fresh cut hay smells like heaven and you thank God that He just gave you that moment to experience…..

Or walking down a train track with your best friend and looking out at a field full of sunflowers on a lazy summer day. … Or the smell of the exhaust from a boat that takes you back to a time of joy, laughter and comfort, when all was right with your little world, to a place you can never get back to,… home. ….. Or cuddling up on the couch with your dog on a cold winter day….Or an unexpected connection with someone who just ‘gets you’ in a small, fleeting moment, but a moment you know you’ll remember the rest of your life….

The moments you can literally feel someone’s energy of love and good intentions for you…. even in some of the moments of my greatest loneliness, sorrow and pain, feeling God near me ….For me, those moments branded in my brain, and more importantly, my soul, seem to be brought to the surface at the perfect time, and it hits me, if I never feel another shred of anything but pain and sorrow, or nothing at all, having been blessed by God to experience those indescribable moments, is worth it. 🙂