Another Lesson Learned

For as long as I can remember, one of my biggest flaws, if not the single biggest, character flaw I have, is not being able to forgive and move on. I’ve been known to hold a grudge to the death, and even after. I think that mostly comes from the fact that when Im hurt, Im truly, deeply hurt. When, and if, I discover that someone has purposely betrayed me, used me or wronged me, I just cant wrap my mind or heart around that because I don’t do that.

Not to say Ive never made a mistake or never hurt someone, just never with malice, intent or revenge in mind. Ive always been flabbergasted by people who do others however is convenient for them as long as it benefits themselves or gets them what they want. Right down to meanness of degrading or demeaning someone’s reputation with lies out of selfishness. Don’t get me wrong, Im not claiming that Ive never spoken ill of someone and speaking the truth about someone’s character, or your experience with them, is not the same thing.

In fact, another character flaw I have is anger, so I definitely have spoken ill of others out of anger, but usually because I, or someone I love, has been wronged by them. That doesn’t make it right, true, but I will speak truth about someone if I think it might prevent them from using or hurting someone else. Im trying, and have been, to work on this, but it isn’t always so easy. This is one of those times that I’m going to speak truth.

Recently, as in July, my husband brought home a cream lab puppy with the most precious green eyes and red nose that he bought for me from some friends of ours who breed them. I loved her pretty much instantly…..but that was a part of the problem. She brought a joy back that I haven’t felt in three years or more and it scared the living day lights out of me. Three years ago, as anyone who has read my blog posts know, we lost our fourteen year old pup named Shelby and two months later we lost our thirteen year old pup, Izzy-bug. We don’t have kids. They were our kids.

Then, as if that wasn’t enough heart break to suffer, I lost my Dad unexpectedly, who was my “go to”, just a year later. I really had no idea what to do with what I was feeling. I still don’t most days. I still cry for all three of them often. So, three years later, here we are with this new puppy and we name her Dollie Jo. Jo, as in Josephine after my Dads middle name which is Joseph. I freaked out pretty quickly and I kept telling myself to find her a new home. That it was too much work keeping up with her and a parrot.

That, inadvertently, she could bring harm to the parrot if even by accident, when in reality the only real problem she was, was that she could bring harm to my heart later by giving me attachment to, and love for, a being that I would potentially out live and then, there I would be again. Even more deeply wounded with an unbearable pain…… and so, my husband started asking around at work to see if anyone might be interested in her. We had already decided amongst ourselves that if she wasn’t going to someone we know well, we would not give her to anyone with kids because, with us, she was the kid, and we wanted that for her with whoever she was with.

So, he mentions her to this guy and this guy wants to talk to his fiancé about it who is a large animal veterinarian. Im thinking, okay, this is good. Couldn’t ask for a better circumstance for Dollie. The guy comes back every so often for around a two week period asking more questions like, does she come with this, does she come with that, is she spayed, etc, (Apparently a free registered pup with up to date shots wasn’t enough for them) so my husband in turn would ask how they were leaning, as we didn’t want to mention it to anyone else until they decided.

Keep in mind we had already spent thousands on Dollie between, all new necessities, adopting her, and her vet visits. We didn’t care about any of that, we weren’t ‘selling’ her. Our goal was to find her a loving home….My husband asks for the last time how they’re leaning and finally he says they would love to have her. By this time, she’s been here with me for an extra two to three weeks and my heart is already saying “no, don’t do it.” I wish I had listened to that instinct…….but when my husband relayed to the guy that I may have changed my mind, he relays that he’s already bought some things for her and he would like to know for sure before he buys anything else.

We, having some decency and being the people that we are, felt guilty and said okay, but if for any reason they changed their minds or didn’t want her, to give her back to us regardless of the amount of time that passed. They agreed, and were fully aware that I was hesitant already. I knew after the first night that she was with them, and not me, that it was a mistake. That I had freaked out and gotten overwhelmed and made a bad decision. That I never should have sent her.

My husband mentions to the guy, after the first night she spent with them, that Im having a hard time with it. The woman messages me about how she will be well taken care of, and she’ll send me a friend request, and send me photos. She didn’t….and I now know that was nothing more than a manipulation so that we wouldn’t say we wanted the dog back. We also discover in this short time period that she has a little girl, which we did not know and would not have been okay with from the beginning.

By the next morning Im beside myself missing her and I tell my husband to ask them to give us Dollie back and that we would reimburse them any expenses they were out. The guy tells my husband, ‘let me talk to the fiancé.’ He does, and then tells my husband that they all sat down and talked about it, and all agreed, including the little girl, that the right thing to do was to give the dog back since they had only had her for a very short time. A day and a half to two full days to be exact.

So, my husband was going to get Dollie the next day but the guy calls and says he cant have her. That the little girl had gone crying to her mother that morning and said she didn’t want to…..So, both of these “grown” people decided to teach this little girl that what she wants, trumps, and is more important than, doing the right thing because clearly, they had all discussed and decided what the right thing to do was already, by their own admission. They were correct. Giving Dollie back to us was absolutely the right thing to do. From there, the excuses were endless from these people, who decided to basically steal our Dollie because they needed to somehow convince themselves that what they were doing was okay.

The dog we paid for, the dog we took to the vet, the dog we looked after for two and half months, the dog we loved and were hesitant about handing over at that point, the dog we never would have handed over in the first place had we known they had a kid. These people, who pretty much stole our dog had the nerve to try and manipulate us by throwing out that we needed to think about what was ‘best for the dog’ …. If there is one thing I can’t stand more than someone who knows they’re doing wrong and does wrong anyway, it’s someone who then tries to manipulate the person/people they’re doing wrong, into thinking they are in the wrong.

That is a whole other level of disgustingness. Whats best for Dollie is to be with the person who has taken care of her like a child for the last two and half months who loved her and took excellent care of her, whats best for Dollie is to be with the woman who spent twenty four hours a day with her, every day……. but who am I to get in the way of selfishness and what a kid, who will be over her in five minutes, wants right now? Who am I to question the kind of heart and soul this veterinarian clearly has?

My conclusion is that my sweet Dollie Jo did not end up in good home at all, and I have to live with that, sickeningly, for now unfortunately. What I want to do is get a lawyer and drag them to court as often as possible. What I want to do is message this woman and speak some much needed truth to her. As I said, forgiveness is not my strong suit but Im trying and prayers are welcomed. Im trying to hand it to God, and I pray for these people every single day because they most definitely need it.